If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
