After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
