Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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