But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
