im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
