I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
