Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
