Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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