why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
