how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
