***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
