i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
