This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
