I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
