maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
