honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
