you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
