why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
