You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
