i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
