Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
