I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
