this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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