so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
