so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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