Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
