Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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