Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
