i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
