Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
