Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
