I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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