im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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