I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
