Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
how does that bad decision feel?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
