My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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