Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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