you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
