worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
