32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you had me at cake vodka
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
