I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
