We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize