I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
