You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
