I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
