Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
