Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize