please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
why is half of my head shaved?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
