You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
