I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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