There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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