Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
