I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
