yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
