The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
