Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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