And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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