I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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