Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
