I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
