Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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