Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize