THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
