And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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