Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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