Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
