i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
