You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
