Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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