so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
